Friday?

Oh the Friday night... there can be so much joy and also so much regret that you procrastinated to call those people earlier... or perhaps that person earlier.

I learned an interesting thing about myself tonight. I have been thinking all day about how I'd like to take a girl out tonight... and I decided that I would at least ask. The problem is that I only thought as long as to know that I would ask, and not what would be done if she were to accept. Now I know there is value in spontaneity, and I appreciate it a majority of the time... however I am not one who likes to just go off the cuff with how I am going to approach something as delicate as a request for a date. It's not so much that I have a fear of rejection... it's much more ridiculous than that... it is more like a fear that I am just imposing on whoever I am asking, that I become just another person that they are sorry they ever smiled at because now he thinks you like him. She will likely say, "yes," because that is just the kind thing to do; I mean how harsh is it to turn someone down for a date that they got up the courage to ask for? So the date will occur all the while I am thinking things are fine and she is ready to end the date right then and there, if not her life. (Wow... I do have some issues I think... that sounds worse written out than it ever did in my head.)

So I think too much. At least this issue of mine hasn't kept me entirely from still attempting the dating gauntlet a time or two. Take tonight for instance. The time wasn't extensive prior to knocking on her door. She was not home. So what now? Maybe I should call her and interrupt whatever she in currently doing... good plan. So I did. No answer. But because I feel like I am less competent at communicating via the phone, I had some prep time. You know... would saying this be too weird/forward/subtle/loser-ish etc., etc.? Couple that with how distracted I easily get and there was too much time wasted on preparing for a phone call that culminated in her answering machine. I didn't leave a message... anyone who knows me would likely agree that leaving a message would not be a wise course of action. AND now here I am... sitting in a lonely seat on a Friday night trying to figure out how I can do it better in the future. Now it is not the fact that I am alone that bugs me, if I wanted to be with people right now I would be... but it is just the fact that I would like to be among a very select few that seem to constantly elude my weekend nights (or any other night for that matter).