Something more...

Have you ever looked at something mundane, something arbitrarily unimportant, and seen a miracle? Like a beautiful sunset, in the middle of a month of beautiful sunsets... where it's there, frequently, and you pass by it except this time, this moment. And suddenly it becomes something much more than just a sunset, or a mountain, or a song, or a story, or a tear... it's a miracle. It's a glimpse of something greater. It's what each of us intrinsically are.
The ability to be consumed in simple clarity is more natural than what we condition ourselves to be in a busy world of faux progress, pride and purpose. Things, immaterial, little things are supposed to matter to us. They are supposed to indicate to our forgetful minds that we are not just here, we are meant to be here, and not meant to stay. Those euphoric and fleeting moments where everything makes sense, where all you know is hope and optimism are "but muffled memories of what once was, and will again be."

With a Wink and a... Smirk, maybe?

I've long been self conscious about my smile... and for good reason. I don't blame anyone... out loud or anywhere visible... but I was born with missing teeth, others growing where they shouldn't have, orthodontia sporadically since the third grade, and ultimately a couple of less than up to date and less than... luminous... bridges. So much so that many of the pictures that I will show to others have been digitally enhanced to show a shade of white I much prefer to reality. I will selectively choose how to smile for certain pictures knowing how it will show my teeth. Black and white are great shots, washed out are good, distant group pictures... well... I'm cautious even then. Perhaps I am even thought of as a more sullen person because I simply don't want you to see the work behind my lips.
It is a vanity issue. I, with others, have stepped lightly when discussing cosmetic surgeries or artificial physical enhancements, claiming firmly, but quietly, that people should just learn to not care what others think, to accept themselves and be confident notwithstanding any minor imperfection(s). That's the right thing, isn't it? Well I suppose. But I still won't smile naturally in front of you. You'll notice my smiles are more smirks or grins. You'll notice I turn away from you when I laugh. Would I change it if I could? Without a second thought.
Will this ever change? I can hope. I'll admit, I haven't been this candid with many people at all and it scares me a bit every time I actually articulate it.
*Deep Breath*